You’ve probably heard of the “3 Date Rule” when it comes to having sex, right? For so long, society has told us that we need to wait at least three dates before having sex with someone new, but here’s the thing — it doesn’t work that way! Every relationship is different, and there’s no universal rule that applies to all of them.
So, there’s no right or wrong answer to the question “how many dates before sex?” It’s completely up to you! To determine whether or not you’re ready to take things to the bedroom, ask yourself these five questions:
What Does Sex Mean to You?
Everyone has their own views on what it means to have sex, so what’s yours? If you view sex as an act of love, it’s probably best to give your relationship time to grow. On the other hand, if you look at sex as a way to have some fun, you might decide to have it early on (as long as you’re both on the same page about it, of course!).
Do You Feel Safe Having Casual Sex?
Safety is one of the most important factors when determining how many dates before sex (and not something you should compromise on). Can you guarantee you and your partner are being as safe as possible?
Whether you hit the bed sheets on the first date or the tenth, you should both be on the same page about practicing safe sex (especially if it’s early on). If you’re sleeping with more than one person, you should also consider your risk level when it comes to STIs.
What Are Your Expectations for the Day After?
Are you assuming you’ll head out in the morning before they wake up — or right after — and they’ll be totally cool with it? Or do you picture a morning cuddle session followed by a brunch date?
Part of deciding how many dates before sex is being prepared for (and okay with) different outcomes. If you’re envisioning a more “romantic” post-coital interaction, waiting a little longer might be the best option.
Have You Considered Other Forms of Intimacy?
Sure, “penetration” or “full sex” is great, but there are other forms of intimacy that can be just as exhilarating! Do you want to try a good old-fashioned make-out session first? What about some sensual touching, or simply holding hands? If you’re on the fence about having full-on sex, you can always start with other forms of intimacy until you’re more comfortable.
Does It Feel Right?
The ultimate deciding-factor is simple — do you feel completely ready? If you’re not 100% confident in your decision, think about why. Do you feel pressured, like you owe it to the other person, or are afraid they’ll stop dating you? If so, we can definitively say it’s not the right time to have sex. If something feels off, don’t rush it.
So, how many dates before sex, you ask? There’s no right or wrong answer! It’s completely up to you and your comfort level. Whether it’s after the first date or four months later, you know yourself (and your body) best, and whenever you’re ready for a new sexy encounter is the right time.